Story "The Thief"

The Thief

In my former life in the shadows I would never have believed that my heart could be destroyed and rebuilt by the look in another man's eyes. I'd always made my way through life sliding from dim street to dark alley, avoiding the eyes of others, counting on going unnoticed as I planned and committed my silent crimes.

Then the often-dreaded day came when I was dragged out into the brilliant, unforgiving sunlight, blinking like a rat rustled out of some dark hole, cringing away from a multitude of eyes turned toward me. There were the curious, excited stares of those who saw the afternoon's proceedings as a sort of morbid entertainment. There was the remorseful, heartbroken gaze of my mother. Many looked upon me with disgust or anger, here and there a look of pity perhaps... But when my eyes met His my whole twitching, bleeding body reacted in shock and confusion because this "lunatic" that I was hanging beside was giving me a look of love so intense and complete that it seemed totally alien to my world. To this world!

I quickly turned away. I'd already heard all about this madman, so why should I expect Him to act normally? The word about Him had been out on the street for some time. Many considered Him dangerous because He had attracted quite a following among the gullible who were always looking for a "Messiah" to come along and solve all of their problems. That rabble followed Him everywhere; never gave the man any rest. They'd probably driven Him over the edge. I'd never bothered to go out to listen to Him. I'd learned early that I had only my own wits to rely on. I wasn't looking for a leader; political, spiritual or otherwise. I was my own man, just looking to survive and, with any luck, to get rich in the process. Later, when the rumors began to reach me that this Jesus was beginning to claim that He was God, well I wasn't surprised. It was clear He was just another mental case after all. It just reaffirmed my belief; if you don't trust anyone then you won't be disappointed.

But of course, all that was before I got caught. One stupid move and my life was over. And it's funny the way the mind works. Now I, who had been well beyond conscience most of my life, was having regrets. I, who had defied God during those times when I was even inclined to believe in Him, was suddenly fearing Him. I was about to die, I knew there was no way out of that. Through a haze of pain I could already feel life slipping away from me, draining downward with the blood and sweat.

What if it were all true after all? Was a God of infinite wrath waiting for me there in the darkness that approached? Would He greet me with a long list of my wrongs and proceed to make me wish that I were back here on this cross? I was scared alright! Why hadn't I listened to the warning voices when I was young? It had all seemed so irrelevant then. Why hadn't I at least tried to keep the Law? Surely I must have broken every one of them!

"Oh, what's the use in worrying about all that now?" I mumbled in self-disgust. "It's much too late to redeem myself. Besides," I made a frail attempt to laugh cynically, "I know myself too well for that. I could never have even begun to keep the Law! I couldn't even make myself want to! I may as well admit it. I'm guilty as sin and I deserve everything I get."

Out of some hopeless curiosity, or perhaps in search of diversion from my thoughts, I turned my head back toward Jesus and the other. Again he met me with that steady gaze of love. It was unsettling. His look contained neither admiration nor pity. It was clear to me that nothing in myself inspired that love, it just seemed to shine forth as though He were its ultimate source; as though He Himself were love. Even so, it was excruciatingly personal. The look took me in and embraced me as though I were a very small, defiant, hurt child in the arms of a strong and loving parent. I'd never spoken to this man, yet I felt He knew all about me, understood me in ways I'd never understood myself.

In a sense He seemed pathetically human dying there on His cross, but in an equal sense He didn't seem human at all. I considered the probability that I was becoming delusional in my pain but, just for a moment, a door in my mind cracked open to an astounding possibility. What if He really were God as He'd claimed? If by some crazy miracle this man was really God then the unthinkable must be true... God could love me. Did love me! For once in my life I risked being made a fool and allowed myself to hope, almost to believe. I felt a tentative melting at the edges of the ice block of my soul.

"If you are the Christ come down off the cross! Save yourself!" The crowd was taunting Him, their harsh, jeering voices grated. I felt amazement at their blindness. How could they miss what even I was plainly seeing? Even the other criminal was challenging Him. Was the man insane? On the brink of death did he dare to despise his only Hope? "Don't you fear God?" I called out to him. "You and I deserve to be here, but this man is innocent!"

I dared to lift my eyes to Jesus. I'd heard that He had spoken of being King of a Kingdom not of this world. Of course I'd considered it all an amusing product of His madness. But He and I were leaving this world today. Was it possible? "Jesus," I called, "Remember me when You come into Your Kingdom!" I flinched for I had spoken boldly, impulsively, but the continued warmth of His gaze reassured me.

He was a picture of weakness, of broken helplessness as He hung there covered with dirt and blood. Then His words rang out, filled with power and authority. "Truly I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." A totally unfamiliar feeling of wonder and joy overcame me on that cross because...I believed Him. He was God. He loved me and He was going to take me into His Kingdom.

I trusted Him completely, and yet as the sky grew darker above us my spirit grew troubled with unanswered questions. Why me? I had never done anything for this Jesus and there was certainly no time left to do anything for Him in the future. Why should He honor me in this way, that I, a common, vulgar criminal, should enter the Kingdom with the King? I had always heard that Jesus' standards were impossibly high. He had even tangled with the religious leaders, telling them that they were not nearly good enough, that God required perfection even of the secret mind and heart! I'd had a good laugh over that, imagining the looks on their pious faces.

I had no doubt that He had decided to have mercy on me, yet I was humbled, embarrassed, my life lay behind me a pathetic waste. I watched Him dying there beside me and I knew somehow that He didn't have to do this. He could easily have stopped it all at any moment. He was deliberately choosing this agony, indignity and death and, though I didn't understand, I felt in my deepest heart that He was doing it all for me.

Yes, I died that day, the day that my life began. There was no darkness in death; only a glorified Jesus escorting me into my new home. Soon everything was made clear. I had experienced the absolute purity of God's grace. In God's unique economy my criminal, wasted life became a priceless thing, a perfect portrait of His completely undeserved love for the whole human race.

In my depravity I'd certainly never done anything to cloud the issue. No one could say, "He was a good man, deserving of mercy. He was responsible, a good picture of what a Christian should be." I was a picture of only one thing, a desperate sinner in the hands of a LOVING God. In my case the glory clearly goes to God alone. My story has given hope to the hopelessly lost through the ages. My story has brought praise to the lips of those with the insight to see just how unworthy we all really are. You could even say I've been instrumental in a great many "deathbed conversions".

Most of you have opportunities that I didn't have. You may live long lives with the Lord at home in your hearts. He may work wonders in and through you. But if you would truly be a reflection of God's glory, be a picture of His grace. Never allow what you do or don't manage to accomplish in your life to distort this picture. Realize that His love for you is a gift, completely undeserved forever. Nothing that you can do will repay Him in the least, for it is your basic helplessness that is the proving ground for the perfection of His love!

When you stand on the jagged edge of the chasm of eternity, all of the issues of life become trivial and fall away. Then you my friend become the thief on the cross, helpless to save yourself, but with a dying Jesus hanging beside you with eternal love in His eyes.