January 7, 2006

January 7, 2006

When we ask the question, "How did I get into this mess?" there is a tendency to start at the beginning and go back to our own childhoods. It's rather pointless. It can help us to see how our own particular stories played out, but it is important to realize that we are all basically living out variations of the same story so that the answer to the question of how one got into this mess is always the same. The fall of man. The break between God and humans was such that we were born seperated from Him. And that is how we "got into" every conceivable mess that it is possible for a broken human being to get into.

Before you tune me out, I'm not going to talk here about sin, an angry God and how we've brought all our own troubles down upon us. No...I'm going to talk about sheer NEED.

We are, each of us, born into the world extremely needy beings. Obviously a small baby needs just about everything, but that isn't what I'm getting at. We are born needy because we are missing something; a very special connection that is essential to who we are and therefore crucial to our happiness and peace...and so the "incomplete baby" inside each of us never stops fussing. We don't consciously realize this and so we travel through life believing that most people are perfectly capable of being "whole" but that there is just "something wrong with ME!" Naturally we are all ashamed of this odd deficiency in ourselves, so we all try to cover it whenever possible. This further perpetuates the fantasy that most other people are okay and don't feel this neediness and disquiet that we feel. The broken baby inside is the shameful secret that we all spend immense amounts of time and energy trying to hide from each other.

As our lives roll on and our own individual stories play out, we make most of our worst mistakes in futile attempts to still that heartrendingly pathetic "baby cry" that keeps up its strangely disturbing wailing at all hours throughout our days and nights.

Have you ever been in the position of caring for a baby who just refused to be comforted? We keep thinking that we've figured out what the problem must be... First we try feeding her but she never seems satisfied. We change her diaper, burp her and try all sorts of cuddling, cooing and other distractions but...nothing. A baby that just keeps on wailing no matter what we do soon starts to produce in us a desperate feeling of helpless, hopeless frustration and anxiety. An intense feeling of failure. It is an "unlivable" feeling and tragically in the news we sometimes hear about something called "Shaken Baby Syndrome" that happens when an over-stressed parent ceases to cope.

On a deep, private level the baby in each of our hearts has been fussing and sobbing for our entire lives and for all our illusions and self-deceptions we've had little relief from the resulting discord within. Eventually most of us furtively ensconce the infant down deep inside ourselves in a tiny room which we pointedly seldom visit. We then spend most of our time on the upper levels making lots of noise and keeping ourselves busy and distracted. No, this doesn't feel quite right or solve the problem, but what can we do?

One thing only. Through Jesus, give the baby to God the Father to Whom it belongs.

"But lady", you might say, "I've been a Christian for years and if I am completely honest I must admit that that baby still cries. Not all the time. There are moments of great peace and sweetness...but then before long that baby starts in again." As long as we live on this earth the infant living within us will be ever-needy. The only comfort available is in the arms of the Daddy Father. He alone meets that baby's every need. Our problem as Christians continues because we have spent so much time avoiding and ignoring the cry within that avoidance is still what comes naturally to us. We still resist going into that tiny room; we disown the baby and we continue to distract ourselves from its painful sobbing and drown out the sound of its voice by whatever means available.

In my experience, when I hear the infant crying inside I need only to do a very simple thing...but I must do it deliberately over and over again because it does not always come naturally. I need to walk bravely into that little room where there are now TWO beings waiting for me; that pathetic child and my Father God. I need to consciously pick up that wretched, squalling scrap of humanity and place it lovingly into the waiting arms of God. I need to commune lovingly with both of them in the deep knowledge that God loves and accepts the broken part of me in a perfect and complete way that no one else, not even I, will ever be able to.

You see...this "broken baby" is the essential US that was made to be held by God from the very beginning. We vehemently deny this needy part of ourselves. We are ashamed of it. We try to hide it, squelch it, muffle it, squash it down or even disguise it. We see it as sinful, wrong, weak, ugly, defective, pathetic, and worst of all, selfish! We would much rather try to distract God with how clean our house is, how sweetly we sang in church last Sunday or how just plain nice we have been to everyone just lately. What we don't realize is that the wailing, self-centered brat within us is the very part of us that God has created specifically to wrap His arms around, love and pour His life into. Yes, it is demanding. It is demanding its Daddy! We try to hide it from God in shame and all the while it is only screaming and fussing and wailing because it needs His tender touch. God so yearns to lovingly rock that child into sweet, beautiful, contented dreams. Still, it is your baby and He will not tear it away from you. Next time you are aware of its sobbing, why not give it to the One it really wants and needs? Abba waits.